Epiphanies in the Ether
Those who read my last blog may remember my closing words:
“Last night I spoke into the ether. I said, I relinquish control. Whatever this is that creates and connects us cosmically, I give you licence to take over. I surrender to the process. I will follow your nudges and act on the urges you send me. I cannot paddle upstream anymore. I am tired, confused, and ready to feel better.
So, dear reader, I’ll let you know how that goes.”
Well, here I am, back to tell you how it is actually going. It seems I’ve had a few epiphanies.
In releasing my need to control, I found myself led, quite literally, to a few video suggestions on YouTube. One in particular stood out and offered some deeply insightful guidance (I’ll link it below). The essence of what I took from it was simple yet powerful: meditation without expectation.
You see, we are often told that meditation can transform our lives, manifest our desires, or help us create what we want. Yet this narrative quietly carries the idea that something should happen when we meditate, that if we don’t feel or experience something profound, we must be doing it wrong.
Although I’ve known, and even been trained, to meditate without expectation, I realised I’d still been carrying a subtle, subconscious need for it to do something. To give me clarity, healing, or answers.
So this past week, I made a quiet commitment: to simply sit for a few minutes each day with no agenda. I tell myself, “I’m doing this just to be, not to achieve.” When I finish, I don’t analyse or connect it to anything. I simply return to my day.
And something curious has been happening. Later in the evening, insights seem to fall at my feet, sometimes triggered by a single word on television or through the simplest everyday action. It’s as though, by allowing my mind to clear in meditation, I’ve opened a quiet space for guidance to reach me naturally, without force or effort.
One of the most profound insights that has surfaced through this process is the understanding that when I don’t feel safe, I’m not in my truest vibrational alignment. And when I’m out of alignment, things like joy, excitement, and even simple enjoyment become almost unreachable.
It helped me make sense of why my recent solo trip felt so muted. It wasn’t that I wasn’t grateful or trying to be present; it’s that a part of me didn’t feel entirely safe. And without that inner sense of safety, the world naturally appears quieter, flatter, and harder to touch with wonder.
'Home (the place where I truly feel safe)'
This also means that home (the place where I truly feel safe) is the best environment for genuine alignment. If I want real change in my life, it doesn’t need to come from pushing or seeking something “out there.” It comes from being rooted where I feel most secure, where I can express myself freely, honour who I am, and show up as the best version of myself for myself.
From that space, the energy naturally shifts. By focusing on what makes me happiest, on gratitude for the community around me, for the tribe I’ve created, and for the small, soul-nourishing things that make life feel good, everything else begins to fall gently into place. Not from dependency or striving, but from the quiet magnetism of self-value and alignment.
So perhaps the real magic lies not in chasing transformation, but in allowing it to come to us, in surrendering the control we never truly had, and remembering that peace, safety, and alignment begin from within.
But it actually goes further than this.
For some time, I’ve felt as though I’ve been banging my head against a brick wall with my business. You see, I have a lot of different training behind me, and from the earliest days I’ve defined myself as a yoga teacher. Yet somewhere along the way, that title stopped feeling true. Although I still use movement, and some of those movements are yoga asanas, I’m no longer a yoga teacher in the traditional sense.
What I really do is help people regulate their nervous systems and reconnect with their bodies, guiding them through experiences that support healing from PTSD, grief, menopause, autoimmune conditions, depression, and low self-esteem. It’s an integration of everything I’ve learned, physical, emotional, and energetic, woven together intuitively.
No two students are ever the same. Student A might need grounding and stillness, while Student B might need movement and expression. Their first sessions are always unique, and what they experience changes each time we work together. It’s almost impossible to define.
But then I realised, it doesn’t need to be defined. Every one of my students has found me either through word of mouth, by reading a blog, or by visiting my website and feeling drawn to the work. The need for definition was simply an ego-based concept, the mind’s way of wanting to make sense of something that is, by nature, fluid and intuitive.
As my students evolve, so do I. And the more authentically magnetic I become, by living in alignment, by trusting the process, the more the right people are drawn in, effortlessly. This should, in turn, help me regulate my nervous system to finally enjoy more, especially during holidays.
It’s too soon to say whether this new attitude will bring about the profound changes I’d love to experience, but the mindset itself feels right. It feels supportive, gentle, and expansive.
And perhaps that’s enough for now.
Because if I’m in alignment, if I’m connected to safety and self-trust, then surely life will unfold as it’s meant to. Maybe it’s not about forcing outcomes or seeking signs, but simply allowing what’s already meant for me to find its way, in perfect timing… Right?